We live in the era of JOMO—the Joy of Missing Out. We have collectively decided that canceling plans is self-care, that staying in is the new going out, and that the most luxurious sentence in the English language is, “Let’s just reschedule.” I am a card-carrying member of this club. My default setting is “No.” Or, more accurately, “Maybe,” followed by a frantic search for a believable excuse three hours before the event.
But recently, I started to wonder if my protective bubble had become a cage. Was I preserving my energy, or was I just isolating myself? Was I engaging in self-care, or just calcifying into a creature of habit who is afraid of the unknown?
To find out, I decided to run an experiment. For seven days, I would delete “no” from my vocabulary. If someone asked me to do something—anything—I had to say yes. Coffee with an acquaintance? Yes. A Zoom webinar on crypto? Yes. A neighbor’s toddler’s birthday party? Yes.
I expected exhaustion. I expected regret. What I got was a lesson in just how much life I had been leaving on the table. Here is what happens when a chronic homebody becomes a “Yes Man” for 168 hours.
The Rules of Engagement
Before starting, I had to set ground rules to keep this from ruining my life (or bank account).
- Safety First: I wouldn’t say yes to anything dangerous or illegal.
- Financial Reality: I wouldn’t say yes to anything that would put me in debt (sorry, impromptu trips to Vegas).
- The “Invitation” Definition: It had to be a direct invitation. General social media posts saying “Who wants to hang out?” didn’t count, but a direct text or email did.
Monday: The Shock to the System
The experiment started on a Monday, typically the day I protect with the ferocity of a mother bear. Mondays are for work, gym, and silence.
At 10:00 AM, a coworker messaged: “Hey, a few of us are grabbing lunch at that new Thai place. Wanna come?”
My instinct was visceral. No. I have a salad in the fridge. I have emails to answer. I need to focus. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type, “So busy today, maybe next time!” Instead, I typed, “Sounds great. See you at 12.”
The Experience: Lunch took 90 minutes. It was loud. It was inefficient. But it was also… fun. I learned that Dave from Accounting plays in a 90s cover band. I learned that Sarah is training for a triathlon. We laughed about a shared client nightmare. When I returned to my desk, I wasn’t behind on work. I was energized. The “salad at the desk” routine usually left me sluggish by 2:00 PM. The social connection acted like a double shot of espresso.
Lesson: Efficiency is overrated. Connection is fuel.
Tuesday: The Unexpected Networking
Tuesday brought a curveball. A friend from college, someone I hadn’t seen in three years, texted: “I have an extra ticket to a networking mixer for local entrepreneurs tonight. Super last minute, but you in?”
Networking events are my personal hell. Small talk, lukewarm wine, and people trying to sell you things. But the rules were the rules. “I’m in.”
The Experience: I arrived dreading every second. I stood by the cheese plate, plotting my escape. Then, I started talking to a woman named Elena. She wasn’t trying to sell me anything; she was just funny. We talked for an hour about everything except work. It turned out she worked for a company I had been trying to pitch for months. By the end of the night, I had a direct contact and a potential contract.
Lesson: Opportunity rarely knocks when you are sitting on your couch watching Netflix. It hides in the places you are trying to avoid.
Wednesday: The Burnout Wall
By Wednesday, the fatigue set in. I had said yes to a morning coffee run, a lunch meeting, and an evening online workshop about “Urban Gardening” invited by my aunt.
My social battery was flashing red. I physically missed my sofa. When my neighbor knocked on my door at 7:00 PM asking if I wanted to walk our dogs together, I wanted to cry. I wanted to put on noise-canceling headphones and dissociate.
I said yes.
The Experience: We walked for 45 minutes. We didn’t talk much, just walked in the cool evening air. It wasn’t draining; it was grounding. I realized that not all “Yeses” require high energy performance. Some are just quiet companionship.
Lesson: You don’t always have to be “on.” Sometimes, showing up is enough.
Thursday: The Comfort Zone Breach
Thursday was the day I regretted the experiment. A friend texted: “I’m going to a salsa dancing class tonight. I don’t want to go alone. Please come?”
I do not dance. I do not have rhythm. I have the hips of a Lego figure. This was a nightmare scenario. I tried to find a loophole. Was this dangerous? Only to my ego.
I went.
The Experience: I was terrible. Objectively, empirically terrible. I stepped on feet. I turned left when everyone turned right. But here is the thing: nobody cared. Everyone was too busy worrying about their own feet to look at mine. About twenty minutes in, I stopped apologizing and started laughing. I sweat through my shirt, laughed until my sides hurt, and left feeling lighter than I had in months.
Lesson: Embarrassment is the price of entry for joy. If you aren’t willing to look stupid, you can’t have any fun.
Friday: The Domino Effect
Something strange happened on Friday. I stopped waiting for the invitations to be painful. I started looking forward to them. The momentum of the week had shifted my mindset.
A friend texted: “Karaoke?” Yes.
My partner asked: “Want to try that weird fusion restaurant?” Yes.
The Experience: The night was chaotic and expensive and ended at 2:00 AM. I was exhausted, but it was a “good” exhausted. It was the kind of tired you feel when you have actually used your body and mind, rather than just letting them atrophy in front of a screen.
Lesson: Momentum is real. Saying yes begets more energy to say yes. The inertia of “staying in” is a powerful force, but once you break it, motion becomes natural.
The Weekend: The Reckoning
By Saturday and Sunday, I had to grapple with the consequences of a week without boundaries. My house was messy because I hadn’t had time to clean. My laundry pile was a mountain. I had spent more money on food and drinks in one week than I usually do in three.
I had to say yes to helping a friend move a couch on Saturday morning (painful). I had to say yes to a family Zoom call on Sunday night (loud).
But looking back at the week, the trade-off felt worth it.
The Aftermath: What Changed?
When Monday rolled around again and the experiment officially ended, I didn’t immediately revert to my cave-dwelling ways. The week had permanently altered my calculus for social interaction.
1. The Myth of “Too Busy”
I realized that “I’m too busy” is often a lie. I wasn’t too busy to go to lunch; I just prioritized comfort over connection. When forced to fit things in, I miraculously found the time. The work still got done. The world didn’t end because I wasn’t staring at my inbox for eight continuous hours.
2. The Relationship Audit
Saying yes to everyone made me realize who I actually enjoy spending time with. Some “yeses” felt like draining obligations, while others felt like unexpected gifts. This experiment didn’t just teach me to say yes; it taught me who I want to say yes to in the future. It highlighted the relationships that give energy versus the ones that take it.
3. The Death of FOMO
Ironically, by doing everything, I cured my Fear Of Missing Out. I realized that most events are just… okay. Not every party is the event of the century. Not every dinner changes your life. This took the pressure off. I don’t need to be everywhere. But I do need to be somewhere.
4. Serendipity Requires Participation
The biggest takeaway was the sheer amount of luck I generated. In one week, I made a business contact, learned I actually like salsa music, and deepened a friendship with a coworker. None of those things would have happened if I had stuck to my routine. You cannot plan for serendipity, but you can show up for it.
The “Yes” Prescription
I am not going to say yes to everything forever. That is a recipe for burnout and bankruptcy. Boundaries are healthy and necessary. However, I have changed my default setting.
Instead of looking for reasons to say no—it’s too far, it’s too late, I’m too tired—I am now looking for reasons to say yes.
If you feel like your life has become a series of identical days, I challenge you to try this. It doesn’t have to be a week. Try it for a weekend. Say yes to the coffee. Say yes to the walk. Say yes to the awkward mixer.
You might be tired on Monday morning. Your wallet might be a little lighter. But your life will be significantly larger. And in the end, we don’t remember the nights we got a really good eight hours of sleep. We remember the nights we said yes.